January 14, 2011

Day 14: Interlude

Collage by Susan Stopinski, Altered Lives Studio

I know I promised to finish the story of Achan and the Battle of Ai, but I ran out of time to give it my attention today. I would like to take this interlude to contemplate my personal fast. I have not been able to get to bed early, despite my valiant efforts. My husband and I are making many weighty decisions at this juncture, and it seems that our best discussions always begin about an hour after the kids go to bed and last several hours into the night. We have many things that need to be decided, and we have been so enjoying connecting and talking and sharing our thoughts, fears, and concerns. It seems sacrilegious to stop him midstream and say, "Sorry, gotta go to bed." It's still a goal of mine to go to bed by 10:30pm, and I do that whenever I can but I haven't been able to be consistent in that.

I feel complete peace about this, and the past couple of days the Lord is waking me around 7:00 in the morning just for a little visit before I get out of bed. This morning was extra special. I had a wonderful dream, and I was talking with Him about it while I laid in bed. This is a new thing for me. I used to get so distracted when I wasn't writing in my journal. Now, I seem to be developing an ability to hold thoughts in my mind and carry on a conversation with Him without writing or talking. It is such a quiet and gentle way for me to wake up fully.

I have been keeping my vow to turn my computer off in the middle of the day, and I have had so much more time to spend time with my kids, pack, and take care of my body. I am so grateful that I included this in my fast this time around. I realize now how much time I was wasting checking my e-mail here, surfing Facebook there. I equate it to grazing instead of sitting down for satisfying meals. My days are much more satisfying now, and I enjoy the few minutes in the morning and evening that I get to check in with all of you and other friends without it taking over my life.

Sugar...I am standing in a place of sheer amazement and victory. The physical effects of withdrawal seemed to end after the first week, and the emotional pull has remained at a low ebb. Last night I deliberately and consciously chose to break my fast to enjoy a piece of pie with a dear friend. The whole process of making the decision felt wonderful. I was in complete control. I did not feel it was calling my name. I just felt that it would be strange for her to be eating something at the restaurant and me only drinking water. It seemed like one of those relationship over rules situations. I confessed to her that I was breaking my fast for the night, and I confessed that I wasn't sure if it would make it harder the next day or not but that I really didn't think it would.

I was right! I didn't feel a pull or temptation to eat sugar at all. In fact, I think the emotional pull of sugar was even less today than usual. I really believe I am dealing with the roots of why I eat sugar, and God is using this time of fasting to show me how much He has shown me and how much He has healed in my life. I am giving Him great praise today for that!

Well, it's dinner time here. I'm off to feed my family some yummy food, and hopefully I will have time tomorrow to finish my examination of Joshua 7.

Until then, I wish for you Peace, Joy, and Triumph!

P.S. The link will take you to this collage and the poem my friend Susan wrote by way of explanation. I was searching Google Images for an image to represent Triumph. Suddenly, I was inspired to just take a look at her website. This collage and poem sang my soul for this season of my life.

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