January 28, 2011

Day 28: Childlike or Childish?

Human Wisdom
Today I am in great need of wisdom. I'm so grateful for my friend who helped me see where I am using human wisdom to govern my life instead of God's wisdom. My prayer for myself is that I would be like a child in my trust and in my faith; that I would allow Him to reveal His plan to me rather than spinning my mind around logic and human wisdom trying to figure out what it is that He already knows.

When I plan a trip, I typically wait to tell my children about the details of the plan until we need to get ready to leave. In the meantime, I may be making all the preparations, and we may be doing some of them together (like cleaning house or taking a bath). However, they are not weighed down with issues of finances, logistics, or details.

I may even give them hints along the way, telling them they're going to be surprised and excited or that I am planning something special for them. They may bug me for awhile to tell them, but eventually they lose themselves in their play, their books, or their movies and "forget" about it all until I tell them to get their clothes and shoes on so we can leave.

A New Thing
There is something I've been given a hint about...a change that God has up His sleeve for our family. I've been told to pack and get ready to move, but I don't know where or when we are going. He has told me that I will like it, and I have been filling in the gaps with my human wisdom, thinking of the place(s) I want to go where I think I will be happy.

I have days when I get absorbed in my adult version of play (sorting, organizing, packing, writing, reading, working), but there are other days when I argue with Him and tell Him how I think things ought to go or nag Him to tell me more. There are days when I pout and petulantly tell Him I won't go anywhere but where I want to go. I've cried, yelled, and pouted...yep, did all that this morning. I've ranted and raved about how I just want to go where I want to go. I've told friends and my husband, but always I hear the same message, which sounds a whole lot like Acts 1:7 with the insertion of "location" in the mix:

"It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."

Father's Embrace
Thankfully, I know that God is not concerned about my bad attitude or temper tantrum anymore than I'm afraid or worried when my kids pout and kick and fight with me. He's perfectly happy to wait for me to come around to a place where I can feel His arms enfold around me and His lips kissing away my tears.

In those moments He thoroughly comforts me and reminds me that He knows what is best for me and knows exactly all that I'm hoping for and longing for. He reminds me that when the time is right He will reveal it to me, but in the meantime that my security never comes from where I am. He knows that what I am really longing for I already have in Him.

The Secret Place
I am learning, day by day, step by step, tantrum after tantrum, what it means to abide in Him; what it means to find my peace, my security, my hope, and my joy within, in the secret place in my heart where He dwells. I am so grateful that He knows exactly what I need to come back to that place of safety...of remembering that He is my only true home!


  1. I am as you know going through the same thing! Good words of encouragement, good reminder to just trust him, like our little ones trust us. I love the last part remembering that HE is my only true home.


  2. Finding a balance between where He calls us and where we choose to be is one of the biggest areas of balance for many of us. During your time of expectant waiting, we pray you are as playful and excited as your kids are in preparing for their outings!

  3. That is a perfect prayer to pray for us, Esther. In fact, it already lifts my heart to know you are praying for me in that specific way!

    Vern, I'm always amazed at how each of us walks a parallel life in one way or another. I suppose it's the only way we can truly encourage each other. I'm glad we are walking together!

  4. Love it! And I love how willing you were to listen and consider my comments today despite some of them not being what you wanted to hear.

    I know that you are and will allow yourself to be lead wherever God wants to take you. I am inspired and excited about your growing wisdom, and how you are learning to be "less complicated" in your theology. As you know, I need to do that too.

    Love you my friend! Alana

  5. I love you too, Alana! Thank you for calling! He seems to always inspire us just when we need each other!

  6. Love the analogy of preparing for a trip with the kids!

    The Israelites on the eve of the Passover were in the same place--packed up and prepared to leave for only God knows where. Remember the cloud by day and the fire by night to guide them on their way? It's challenging indeed to balance the tension between being content where the Cloud is resting and embracing the Fire on the unknown road ahead.

  7. Mom, I couldn't have named that tension any better than you just did with that comparison! "Fire on the unknown road ahead..." I love that!! It is my prayer that I will first begin to recognize the cloud and the fire, when it is lifting and when it is resting, and then yes, that I will be able to be content when it is at rest, knowing that it will lift again at some unknown point and lead me onwards with very little warning!